My "New Old Friend" - by Terri Schneeweiss

When my son Matt left home to study at YBT over a decade ago, I felt the pain of the separation that generations of moms have felt when their oldest child leaves home. I was excited at his anticipation about starting this part of his young adult life; I knew he would be fine and learn so much and meet new friends. As he began "introducing" me by phone to many of the families that invited him to Shabbos meals, I felt less stressed knowing, as would any Jewish mom, that my son was at least eating well.

One family he mentioned frequently was the Feder family, especially Shani, Mom Extraordinaire. "Mom, you have to meet her, you would really love her." I did and I do. How fortunate I was to meet such a "new old friend" in the senior years of my life. She and Mendy hosted our family for many meals and for many Shabbos stays during our visits from Seattle to spend time with Matt and Jon. She and I shared so many laugh-and-anecdote-filled hours of our lives; I miss her wise feedback and contagious good humor and serene humility. I prayed daily for her health. The news of her passing stunned me, even though I knew she was very ill. 

 
I miss my friend Shani very, very much, my "new old friend" who I knew for such a short time and yet as if forever. During our "confabs" her expressive eyes did most of the talking and always, always there was that smile, warm and caring, upturned at the corners as if hiding secret chortles remembered from past conversations. When she asked me how I was, she listened with her whole heart to my answers and wasn't just trying to be polite. She really did care how I was. And in nearly every conversation, she somehow deflected any praise away from herself; during every visit, she reminded me how my two sons reflected my own middos, Torah values, goodwill, integrity, and intellect. I often echoed those thoughts back to her about her own legacy; hearing the loving words of her family as they bid farewell to her confirmed that her spirit will always be with them and with us.

Shani Feder's wisdom and strength stays with all of us who were blessed to know her. Surely she is soaring now, having broken through the shackles of pain that bound her to this earth. I saved her last voicemail to me; we'd been unable to see each other during my last visit five months ago. She sounded happy and peaceful, positive and encouraging as always and, appropriately (as I'm from Hawaii), she signed off saying "Aloha". There's an old song about what "Aloha" means - goodbye, good night, hello, welcome … but also - I love you, until we meet again. 

So indeed, Shani, ALOHA … with much love from your new old friend, 

Terri.